thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
