I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
