I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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