I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When are your genitals available?
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