Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize