I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
