I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
