for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize