I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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