I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
