He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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