Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
