god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
