Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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