3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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