I haven't been this sober since birth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
