he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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