Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
