you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she looked like the before picture.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
