Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
