A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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