come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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