we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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