I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
