her vagine was all disorganized.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
