Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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