i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
