I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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