It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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