just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
