I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can't special order awesome
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
