I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
