its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
