just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
