I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize