Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
MIDGETS
????
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
