ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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