I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
