I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
