I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
