cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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