dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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