She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
