Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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