She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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