Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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