he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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