I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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