had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
