ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
