Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
