im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
