My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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