ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
