Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
