I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
