this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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