I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
