Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
