Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
