I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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