he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i love accidental penises.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
