the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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