I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
