Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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